“I’ve always thought there’s something different about my personality but it wasn’t until I saw some videos on TikTok about AHDH that made me think – maybe that’s what it is”
– Zaloa Williams
Zaloa Williams and I have been best friends our wholes lives, from causing havoc in our first years of secondary school together to progressing to the same university, we’ve shared our lives with each other. It wasn’t until two years ago that I found out that Zaloa had ADHD.
The neurological condition ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyper Activity Disorder) is equally common in men and women however, the disorder is widely recognised as a man’s condition with women being three times less likely to be diagnosed. Research shows that women are more likely to conceal their ADHD traits than men and, as a consequence (along with other factors), male symptoms have dominated social understandings of ADHD, leaving women with the condition overlooked. To shed some light onto a woman’s perspective on life with ADHD, I sat down with Zaloa to have a conversation about her experiences.
Q: When did you first consider that you had ADHD?
A: “I’ve always thought there’s something different about my personality but it wasn’t until I saw some videos on TikTok about AHDH that made me think – maybe that’s what it is…there were videos talking about lack of concentration, missing deadlines, overspending and impulsiveness”
Q: When did you tell your friends and family that you thought you had ADHD?
A: “I told you first around two years ago but I only started to tell my family recently during arguments when they would say they that they thought there was something wrong with me, hoping they might get an understanding”
Q: “Did you feel that your friends and family had a good understanding of what ADHD was or do you feel that they were lacking?”
A: “I think everyone who doesn’t have ADHD, unless they’re a qualified professional, lacks a good understanding – even myself, so yes, definitely. You’ve tried hard to understand so I appreciate that whereas, my parents, because it’s not a physical disability, find it harder to understand which I feel is the case for lots of people…I still have lots of friends who think they understand but they don’t.”
Q: “As a person with ADHD, what are the main characteristics people generalise you with?”
A: “People assume of ADHD people, that they are these crazy, aggressive, impulsive people that lack concentration… sort of like animated characters when that’s not the case at all.”
Q: “What parts of your condition do you feel are hidden from others that they may not generally expect you to experience and struggle with?”
A: “All the mental health disorders like depression and anxiety that come with having ADHD, people wouldn’t necessarily think of because they’re hidden and you fluctuate between all of them, people with ADHD are more likely to experience these disorders because we lack dopamine…one day I could be really sad, which happens with everyone, however, I could be experiencing depression whereas others maybe experiencing a bad time. Then the next week, I could be experiencing body dysmorphia and people could think I’m just being a bit insecure when in reality it’s a full mental health disorder going on in my brain”
Q: “Looking back, do you feel you showed signs of AHDH in school that were overlooked?”
A: “A thousand percent, I was a little shit, getting in to trouble, back chatting, being impulsive with my words. I got into a lot of trouble and I think that could’ve definitely been explored, there wasn’t a lot of students regularly seeing the head of year whereas I was and no one ever took the time to say we think there might be something not quite right which could’ve led to giving me the support I definitely needed”
Q: “Men are more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD, was this inequality reflected in your secondary school?”
A: “Society’s perception of ADHD is based off of a man’s perspective so I think that’s why more men than women get diagnosed. From secondary school, I can only think of boys who had ADHD and they had come from other schools who had spotted it; I can’t remember knowing a single girl with ADHD.”
Q: “How does your ADHD affect your life?”
A: “It stops me having the right motivation…numerous times where I’ve missed university because I have this feeling of paralysis in my brain; even though I’m telling myself to go, the guilt and the pressure builds up. For a normal person that will motivate you but for someone with ADHD it will completely de-motivate. Also, because ADHD isn’t well understood and people don’t know I have it, it makes other things harder. For example, people with ADHD often leave work until the deadline, which I’ve learnt is completely normal and okay, and my parents don’t understand that so they often pressure me which doesn’t help.”
Q: “What advice would you give to someone who thinks they’ve got ADHD?”
A: “Don’t stress about it, you’re a normal person, you just do things differently but it works for you. Maybe speak to someone about it to make sure you’re clearing all the mess that’s probably in your brain.”
Q: “What advice would you give to someone with a loved one who has ADHD?”
A: “Just be mindful. The more intense they are with you, the more comfortable they probably are. Look out for them and talk to them about it, people with ADHD like to talk about themselves. If there’s ever any issues between the two of you then talk about it and a hundred percent keep their ADHD in mind.”
Thank you Zaloa for sharing your experience