The experience of a single father with four adopted kids
According to the UN, an estimated 260,000 children are adopted each year. With an adoption rate of 140,000 children per year, the USA are the leading nation in adoption. Single adopters in the USA make up 29% of the figure however, only 3% of them are single men. Being such a minority, it’s no surprise that single male adopters are somewhat unheard of. Nevertheless, I managed to get in contact with one, single father of four Robert Christian Jordan from Dallas, Texas, with hopes of catching a glimpse into the unique life of a single adoptive father.
In a world where single adoptive dads are uncommon, rarely discussed and virtually unrepresented, I wondered what might inspire a man to consider single parent adoption, I asked – “When and what first made you consider becoming a single dad?” Robert told me “I was adopted via private adoption as an infant. I knew I wanted kids, as I got older, I decided that my desire to adopt children outweighed my “need” to be in a relationship.”
” there were definitely toxic threads that questioned my motives for wanting children “
Due to the uncommon nature of Robert’s adoption journey, I considered that his adoption process may’ve been affected by the animosity of individuals cautious of the unknown and, I wondered, if he felt discriminated against in his journey. I asked “did you feel you were treated equally (as a single father opposed to a couple or single mom) in your adoption process?” Robert told me that “going through the foster care system, there were times where others’ “traditional family” ideals made me feel less equally treated. Socially, I noticed Single moms and couples would be offered baby/child showers and time off, etc., but not once did anyone show the same considerations for me as a single dad! And needing time off was frowned upon as if I was somehow less deserving…when the news station in Dallas did an update on 2 of my kiddos, to announce their adoption, while most commented encouraging things, there were definitely toxic threads that questioned my motives for wanting children, implying I was a predator. I don’t think I would’ve experienced that if I were 1/2 off a traditional couple or even as a single mom.”
Hearing Robert’s perspective, I felt that he had faced a range of challenges in his adoptive process, making me keen to hear his advice to other prospective single adoptive dads. I inquired – “what advice would you give to a single man considering adoption?” Robert said – “Make sure you have a great support system. My parents are fantastic! Be aware that there is no “good guy” or “bad guy”. You’re IT! Lol. Be firm and loving, but you cannot just be their friend. You must be the parent above all. Find an outlet for stress relief. My outlet is my music. I use my personal experiences as inspiration in the songs I write & perform. Some are sad. Some are joyful. Some are humorous. Some are empowering. All are reminders to myself (& others like me), that we’re strong enough to overcome all odds. You’ll feel defeated at times. Others will view you as an invincible warrior even in these times. Take time for yourself. You’ve got this!”
Thank you to Robert for sharing your experience with me.
You can follow Robert on Instagram @therealrcjordan